Family Adustment After a Life Crisis
During the course of our lifetimes, we will all unfortunately experience trauma from time to time. Trauma can come in many forms - a life-changing event, loss of a person or pet, significant illness, accident, or more. Traumatic events can be a life-altering experience not just for the individual but for the whole family. Recovery from traumatic injuries is dependent on more than rehabilitation for the individual. Recovery includes the family. One person was injured, but the whole family has been hurt.
Similar to the individual who has experienced trauma, families can experience a multitude of feelings in addition to isolation, loss of emotional support or financial strain. For example, most family members have little or no knowledge about complex medical health care when dealing with accidents or illness, and can quickly become overwhelmed. Whether adjusting to life as a single parent after death or divorce, or being a caregiver during a loved ones illness, they may be faced with making difficult decisions while struggling to accept a new reality. They can be defensive, untrusting and in denial. They are using coping skills that may not help in a crisis.
Family Adjustment: Stages
Often we talk about the stages of adjustment for the individual with traumatic injuries. However, the family goes through stages of adjustment as well. Just like individuals, families won’t progress through the stages in succession and may repeat a stage if there are any set-backs.
Stage One (1-3 months after event)
The family is in shock
Family hopes for a full recovery in a short period of time
Family may deny the severity of the injury
Stage Two (3-9 months after event)
Increased understanding of the severity of the situation
Increased feelings of frustration that there is no “quick fix”
Stage Three (6-24 months after event)
Feeling the survivor just needs to work harder
Expecting the survivor to fully recover, becoming their “old self”
Increased willingness to accept input
Stage Four ( 10-24 months after event)
Reality is now beginning to creep in
Family is showing signs of exhaustion or distress and may not connect as frequently
Complicated grief may occur
Stage Five ( 12-24 months after event)
Family members experience profound sadness
The cycle of grief may begin again
Families mourn the loss of shared future dreams
Stage Six (24-36 months after event)
Family members begin to adjust and roles change
There is greater acceptance
So when dealing with “difficult” families consider, is this a difficult family or a family in a difficult situation? When you feel you are experiencing a difficult family member then realize you cannot change their behavior…without changing how you respond to their behavior. Remember, they are using pre-injury coping skills. They will need to learn new methods of coping.
So when in a difficult situation, don’t lose your cool. Be calm. Maintain eye contact. Let them finish what they are saying, empathize, set boundaries/limits, remain tactful. If you feel you are having difficulty coping after a life crisis, mental health treatment or therapy may be a great option for you.